I could make wine with my vomit
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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