So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
time to smoke my breakfast
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
