I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
