Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
