Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
