Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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