They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
