i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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