He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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