Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize