tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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