just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
