I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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