I didn't shave. On purpose
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
