I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
