now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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