Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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