yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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