so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
