I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
