fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
