u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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