Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
