Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
