Whod you bang
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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