note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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