Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
