exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
