he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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