i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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