how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My brain says no but my pants say off.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
try to milk me bitch
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