my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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