Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
