shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
