Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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