If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked a lego.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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