"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
