Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
