she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think i have two assholes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
