Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
