It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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