Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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