she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
