i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
did you just send me my own nude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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