Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
