My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
