I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
