my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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