so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
