We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
do nipples grow back?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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