after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.