your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
