as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
