I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
