Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
