i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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