Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
