if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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