Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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