Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
