i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
