There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
