its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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