is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
