It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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