Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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