The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
