Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
