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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
